"Living" Life

There was a time in my still-short life when I was totally and completely fearless. I dove right in, I tackled the seemingly impossible, I laughed with reckless abandon and danced the moon away. I loved with the purest passion and cherished all of my moments, whether they were horrible, beautiful, sad, funny, ridiculous, serendipitious (is that even a word?ehehehe), etc.

Then as most human progression goes, I got hurt. My emotional and physical wounds just kept coming. I was broken thoroughly, my spirit barely intact. My strength was a shadow, a wisp of a thing, unable to do more than watch me fold and shrink and turn into nothingness.

To return from nothingness necessitated just living. Just being. Which 90% of people on the planet do. Just living = getting up, going to work, slog through the day, come home, hang out , repeat. Getting by, getting the car, getting the house, getting rid of debt, and receiving no personal compensation befitting a content and happy soul.

Where is the vibrant,vivacious me who used to boogie in the rain and pose for lightning? where is the crazy me who made out with a total stranger on top of the climbing wall at my mountain climbing club back at my university days? Where is the wondrous me who coos at baby chicks and melts at the sight of fat and squishy babies?

Where am I?

I feel me sometimes, more strongly now that I have had time to breathe in , sit and stare at the stars.But I don't feel whole. Yet.

I am just "living" my life. I am just being.

Growing yourself and finding yourself is very painful sometimes.

a Chocolatly HNT

I. LOVE. Chocolate.

no IF's. no OR's. about it.



I love it so much that I usually have a bar or two lying around, ready to be devoured by me when I need my chocolate fix.

Current faves are dark chocolate honey bees made by this local chocolatier.

All-time faves are a tie between Twix and peanut M & M's, both of which are placed in the freezer until they turn rock solid, then I take them out, and nibble. and nibble. and bite. and swallow. and nibble some more :-)



Happy HNT !!


PS for HNT info/ getting into some serious tomfoolery ;-), simply click on my link, the one with the word "nekkid" in it ;-)

Comfort

I am always amazed by circumstance and serendipity, which still seem to put in their two cents in the ever-fast-pace that constitutes my San Diego life. A good spiritual friend sought advice not too long ago as he was undergoing that painful process of healing and reforming himself from the dregs of a recent relationship. I remember going through similar pain, hurt and anger at the world while he was just starting on the glorious and giddy beginnings of a new relationship which we all universally cherish.

I felt honored and flattered that he would seek me out, as I am usually not the best when it comes to my own romantic relationships with the opposite sex. I honestly did think though that his relationship would last a while.... words of wisdom were exchanged, and hopefully he went away with a lighter burden and emptier tear ducts.

Friends in need are friends indeed. And I am ever grateful to have had my path intertwine with that of other amazing souls and to have them in my life, whether in the land of Sunny Diego or Rainy Portland, or the briskness of Brussels in Belgium.

Office Politics

Not most people know about my day job, and I prefer that it stay that way. When they ask me what I do, I usually tell them that I am a curator-in-training and a visual artist. Reason why I dont tell people about my day job is because it is not what I want to do for the rest of my life. Sure right now it pays the bills, and when I first moved to SD, I needed a job asap and it was right there.

What is my day job? I started out as administrative assistant to a private financial insurance services company. My boss wanted to expand his company, and saw me as a candidate to take over the managerial position. I told him that I would do my best as I had never undertaken a managing position before. I then hired someone as my assistant first, then we assigned her to head a department. I also did the same with the new girl, who is being groomed to head the other department.

Here is where it gets tricky. The two girls and I have a friendship outside of work, but inside work, it gets iffy. Apparently, I have the senior position as manager of the office, but it seems to me that these two girls constantly want to undermine my position i.e.

complaining if I ask them to do something
saying I am self-righteous if I see that they havent been doing their jobs
challenging my authority on certain subjects

- and the list goes on. I actually thought that by being laid back and letting them do their own thing and figure out what is best for their departments, I was being a good manager. Apparently not. I feel like I have to constantly watch them, make sure they are doing well (which for the most part, they are), and be always one step ahead (which I usually am).

This makes for a very frustrating and irritating large part of my week, which I dont know I can stand for very long....

the job search just might commence again.

"Summer" HNT

It is the height of summer, and man, have I been taking advantage of the wonderful weather that San Diego has, and going to the beach every chance I get :-) This is me after coming back from my usual trips to the beach, you can see that I am all happy and relaxed from the trip :-)

Happy HNT !




PS for more HNT fun, simply click on my link and check out Osbasso!

excited!

just found out that my little sister (the recently married and preggy one), is going to fly in next week! she decided that she would feel better about giving birth to her first baby (and my first nephew!!!), here in the good ole' US of A. She is going to come visit my bro in LA for a week or so, then down to SD to visit me aka me pampering her. Finally, she and I will fly to Salisbury, MD , where our aunt owns a pediatrician clinic. There, my nephew/my little sister's son, will make his first appearance to the world come September.

Yehey !!!!!!

a "Blue" HNT

So I told "him" that I think I was falling in love with him, and he just kinda .... stared...

talk about reading the signals wrong....

guess who is blue blue blue today .....


HHNT anyway, right ? :-)